How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth,
send in your donation today.
How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Candles only.
How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a light bulb?
How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb,
and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of
or against the need for a light bulb.
However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs
work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem
or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent,
three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid
paths to luminescence.
4 church's & a couple of squirrels..........
There were four country churches in a small town:
The Presbyterian Church,
the Methodist church
the Catholic Church
and the Baptist church.
Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels
One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting
to decide what to do about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they determined
that the squirrels were predestined to be there
and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Methodist church the squirrels had taken up
habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided
to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it.
The squirrels escaped somehow
and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they
were not in a position to harm any of God's creation.
So, they humanely trapped the squirrels
and set them free a few miles outside of town.
Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- the Baptist church came up with the best
and most effective solution.
They baptized the squirrels
and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.