"Obituary of common sense!"

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend,
by the name of
'Common Sense'

Common Sense lived a long life
but died in the United States
from heart failure on the brink
of the new millennium.

No one really knows how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to
service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories helping folks get jobs done
without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws,
and frivolous lawsuits held
no power over Common Sense.

He was credited with cultivating such
valued lessons as to know when to
come in out of the rain,
why the early bird gets the worm,
and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple,
sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn),
reliable parenting strategies
(the adults are in charge, not the kids),
and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution,
the Great Depression,
and the Technological Revolution,
Common Sense survived cultural
and educational trends
including body piercing,
whole language,
and "new math."

But his health declined when he
became infected with the
it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength
proved no match for the ravages of well
intentioned but overbearing regulations.

He watched in pain as good people became
ruled by self-seeking lawyers.
His health rapidly deteriorated when
schools endlessly implemented
zero-tolerance policies.

Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate,
a teen suspended for taking a
swig of mouthwash after lunch,
and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student
only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when
schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin
to a student but could not
inform the parent when a
female student was pregnant
or wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his
will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband,
churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims,
and federal judges stuck their noses in everything
from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.

Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,
was awarded a huge settlement,
Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted
in and out of logic but was
kept informed of developments
regarding questionable regulations
such as those for low flow toilets,
rocking chairs, and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death
by his parents, Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers:
My Rights, and I.M.A Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral
because so few realized he was gone..............

From Andy Rooney:

Stupid people should have to wear signs
that just say,
"I'm Stupid"

That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything.

It would be like,
"Excuse me...oops...never mind,
didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved.
Our house was full of boxes and there was
a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My neighbor comes over and says,
"Hey, you moving?" "Nope.
We just pack our stuff up once or twice
a week to see how many boxes it takes.
Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with
a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock,
I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this
idiot on the dock goes,
"Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope.
Talked 'em into giving up.
Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows
on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy
inventing a shark bite suit.
And there's only one way to test it.
"Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on,
it looks good...They want you to jump into
this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it
hurts when they bite you."
"Well, all right, but hold my sign.
I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire,
I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations.
The attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
looks at me, and I SWEAR he said,
"Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.
I said, "Nope. I was driving around and
those other three just swelled right up on me.
Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago.
A guy came over to the house and drove the car
around for about 45 minutes.
We get back to the house,
he gets out of the car,
reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!"
See, if he'd been wearing his sign,
I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge.
The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out,
no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help
and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.
He went through his basic questioning ... okay...no problem.
I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...
until he asked,
"So, is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him,
looked back at the rig and then back to him and said,
"No, I'm delivering a bridge...
here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night
and a co-worker looked at me and said,
"Are you still here?"
I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago.
Here's your sign."

Know anybody who needs a sign?

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