by George Carlin

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

What's another word for Thesaurus? (Stephen Wright)

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

If horrific means horrible, why doesn't terrific mean terrible?

Why is it that when you transport something by car,
it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship,
it's called cargo?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire,
what do freedom fighters fight?
They never mention that part to us, do they?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
a whole lot more as they get older;
then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

Not only do I not know what's going on,
I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day,"
I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight,
with widely scattered light by morning.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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© Tina's Prayer Gate
December 26, 2012