Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.(If Legos are not available,
you may substitute roofing tacks)
Have a friend spread them all over the house.
Put on a blindfold.
Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream.
(This could wake a child at night.)
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best)
and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.
Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.
Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.
Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)
into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.
Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag
and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water.
At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with
the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag
and set your alarm for 10:00PM.
Get up,pick up your bag,
and sing every song you have ever heard.
Make up about a dozen more and sing
these too until 4:00 A.M.
Set alarm for 5:00 AM.
Get up and make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years.
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it
to the front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months.
Now remove 10 of the beans.
Go to the nearest drug store.
Set your wallet on the counter.
Ask the clerk to help himself.
Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange
for your paycheck to be directly
deposited to the store.
Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Find a couple who already has a small child.
Lecture them on how they can improve their
discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training,
and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they
can improve. Emphasize to them that they should
never allow their children to run riot.
Enjoy this experience.
It will be the last time
you will have all the answers.
© Tina's Prayer Gate
September 21, 2013