Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you

Boy: A noise with dirt on it

Chocolate:The other major food group

Clock:A small mechanical device to wake up people who have no children

Conclusion: Where somebody got tired of thinking

Conscience: The inner voice warning you that somebody may be looking

Consciousness:That annoying time between naps

Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse

Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want

Federal Law: Ten thousand books explaining the Ten Commandments

Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance

Happiness: Wanting what you get

Healthy: The slowest possible rate of dying

Marriage: Getting used to a lot of things you least expected

Nervous: Asking which wine goes best with fingernails

Opera: A play where someone gets stabbed in the back and everybody sings about it

Pessimist: One who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money

Public Office:The last refuge of the incompetent

Sleep: A poor substitute for caffeine

Success: Getting what you want

Work: The slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life